DC de facto

Complicated Tasks

2010-07-25T17:52:00.033-04:00

It was over 100 degrees in DC this weekend, so I was obviously delirious when I decided to make Michoacan-style Paletas. My kitchen is pristine and unused, like an IKEA showroom, and I like it that way. But English Mum practically goaded me into this. She makes complicated tasks like raising chickens and boys look easy and fun. In hindsight, I should have known better. You should never make something yourself that you can just pay someone else for. If you happen to not live near a Paleteria, though, here are some basic instructions.

First, just because your new cute popsicle molds say dishwasher safe on the package does not mean they really are. They could disintegrate. Hypothetically.

Once you're done exposing yourself to poisonous melted-plastic gases, cut up some fresh fruit. Or, since you've been through enough already, do what I did and use pre-sliced fruit from Whole Foods.

Next, put the fruit in a blender with whatever juice you like. For paletas de leche, add sweetened condensed milk or cream. I made two kinds: mango with chile and strawberry cream with pink peppercorns.

Don't use this many peppercorns. There was an unfortunate pink peppercorn avalanche when I didn't check to see if the grinder cap was on tight, which I'll also blame on the poisonous plastic gases circulating throughout the house.

Now, fill whatever molds you didn't already melt and wait about 4 hours. Que rico. And Dios Mio.

Last Days of Summer

2009-08-23T20:58:00.003-04:00

County Fair 2009

Beat The Heat

2009-08-10T18:00:00.019-04:00

4th Street NW

Apparently, opening a fire hydrant is illegal. This begs the question of how ordinary citizens manage to wrench the cap off, anyway? Half the time I can't open a mayonnaise jar.

A Photo Blog is Easy, Right?

2009-07-13T22:20:00.002-04:00

Harpers Ferry 12 July 2009

Blogging will resume

2009-04-15T18:12:00.008-04:00

as soon as I get some free time again. Until then, ~~just be patient~~ ~~come clean my house~~ ~~call me at work~~ add me on Facebook.

Leprechaun Kitsch

2009-03-16T18:53:00.017-04:00

I lived in Boston for a few years back in graduate school, and on this continent at least, it's generally accepted that Boston's about as Irish as a city gets. So imagine my surprise when I visited Tiny and family in New Orleans and discovered that if any city goes all out for St. Patrick's Day, it's that one. To the truly Irish: try not to wince too much at the shiny Leprechaun kitsch that follows.

(note to self: must ask English Mum if anything like this went on in Cavan over the weekend)

I'm just

2009-02-17T20:20:00.001-05:00

very, very busy.

The Difficult Thing

2009-01-25T14:46:00.002-05:00

The difficult thing about my ongoing quest for the perfect Marriott-style bedroom is that the orange cat hair just keeps coming back.

You May Not Know This Sender

2009-01-22T19:55:00.008-05:00

Screen shot from an email in my inbox this morning:

Thank you‏
From: President Barack Obama (info@pic2009.org)
You may not know this sender. Mark as safe Mark as unsafe

I mean, we're not on a first name basis yet or anything but he seems pretty safe to me.

One Big Party

2009-01-19T16:19:00.022-05:00

My day in pictures. Since I'll be at work tomorrow, I headed down 7th Street from H all the way to Jefferson and Pennsylvania Avenue to catch some of the celebration.

No Celebrity Sightings

2009-01-18T18:33:00.005-05:00

Well there were most certainly no celebrity sightings, but we did get to network with the Red Cross and FEMA. Anyway, it's only Sunday; Oprah may still turn up.

Offer Of An Air Bed

2009-01-17T17:47:00.015-05:00

Make sure you keep an eye on CNN tomorrow. I'll be hanging out with these guys for 12 hours and angling to catch a glimpse of Bono, Oprah, anyone. Today I drove down to 3rd Street and Pennsylvania Avenue to take a few photos for those of you who didn't take me up on the offer of an air bed for the week. Leave me a comment and I might consider getting you an official souvenir...

No Ball Gown

2009-01-12T16:31:00.024-05:00

About once a year in middle school we were bused into Washington to the standard field trip venues: the Vietnam Memorial, the Smithsonian, the National Gallery, the Washington Monument.

On one especially electrifying visit the intent was to see Congress in action but Mr. Pishnick got the wrong tickets and so we were let loose in Union Station for six hours instead. I believe that was also the year no one counted properly and Morgan Travers got left behind; the rest of us were too busy chowing down on astronaut ice cream to notice.

In any event, this is shaping up to be way better than any of that. Plus, no ball gown required.

I Wasn't At Ben's

2009-01-10T19:54:00.003-05:00

Oh, man. I can't believe I wasn't at Ben's today. Look what I missed.

New New Year's resolution: eat more pork products. Then maybe I'll be in the right place at the right time, next time.

Saturday Photo

2009-01-10T08:57:00.002-05:00

U and 12th Streets, NW. Happiest tooth ever.

Two Distinct Camps

2009-01-08T18:07:00.014-05:00

Somewhere along the way my life turned into an endless series of meetings where we all gather together to discuss the inauguration. At every meeting, people quickly divide into 2 distinct camps:

1) the pessimists, who punctuate each comment or question with god forbid, as in, "if there's a mass casualty event, god forbid..."

and

2) the optimists, who prefer to end their statements with knock wood, as in, "then the back-up generators would kick in, knock wood..."

I can't decide which viewpoint best suits me so I usually just sit there looking surly, wishing I'd booked that trip to Mexico.

VIP

2009-01-05T18:53:00.002-05:00

I'm totally going to this.

These Days

2009-01-04T16:09:00.004-05:00

Blog? Who has time to blog these days? I'm way too busy skulking along 16th Street with my camera.

Do Not Under Any Circumstances

2008-12-24T17:38:00.004-05:00

go to the 14th Street Target on Christmas Eve. It is full of sneezing, sniffling, jostling crowds who all want the last set of Disney Princesses.

Best Week Ever

2008-12-23T17:42:00.006-05:00

Revised plans for inauguration: I'm totally going to meet Oprah. It'll be the best week ever! Anything could happen. Er, on that note, you can keep all your dire predictions to yourself, thankyouverymuch.

You Can Hardly Believe

2008-12-21T17:45:00.004-05:00

Jane and I have been threatening to buy each other the Snuggie for Christmas. The commercial's on all the time, and you can hardly believe you're not watching Saturday Night Live when you see it. Yesterday she calls to talk about the holiday photo shoot she has planned, of her with the grandchildren. Talk turns again to the Snuggie and she insists that it's the stupidest looking thing, ever.

Then she stops abruptly, mid-rant, and says, "Oh, I have to go. I need to finish my elf hat for the photos."

A Million A Day

2008-12-16T19:11:00.019-05:00

The inauguration is a chance to showcase our fine city to the approximately ~~one~~ ~~two~~ ~~three~~ ~~four~~ five million visitors expected to descend upon it at the truly unimaginable rate of a million a day. During that magical time, renting a bare mattress in your unfinished basement to a ~~probable serial killer~~ friendly stranger will not only be legal but also insanely lucrative.

Additional public health and safety measures enacted by concerned officials include hawking commemorative farecards to entice hordes of tourists onto the already-overloaded Metro system and extending last-call until 5 a.m. to cash in on the 10% liquor tax and ensure plenty of drunken ~~ER visits~~ revelry.

In other words, if anyone out there is willing to rickshaw me to and from work that week, you can stay at my place for free.

Who Eats Free

2008-12-14T11:21:00.008-05:00

When my car bettery died unexpectedly yesterday morning, I ended up stuck on U Street for awhile. Over at Ben's there was a crowd, and something near the grill caught my eye. The posted list of "who eats free" has for years contained just a single entry: Bill Cosby, for his legendary patronage of the place. Well you can probably guess who the list was recently amended to include, can't you?

DC Christmas Kitsch

2008-12-12T20:03:00.005-05:00

New Hampshire and Gallatin Streets, NW

Relevant Medical History

2008-12-08T18:01:00.014-05:00

After several days of suffering, Tory concluded she must have an ear infection. Despite my confirmatory diagnosis via phone, she trusted neither of us fully and booked an appointment with the ENT doc.

Thinking it best to arrive prepared to answer the relevant medical history part of the exam, Tory somehow became confused as to our identities and texted me the following:

Hey which one of us had tubes in her ears?

Um, you. It must not have been all that traumatic, though.

Saturday Photo

2008-11-29T14:12:00.003-05:00

Pat and Carol were very pleased to be able to pick up a few Christmas gifts for Tiny during the Target two-day sale this year. Plus, who knew DC was so much more civilized than this craziness?

Take Two

2008-11-25T18:40:00.005-05:00

When going for the Andy Warhol effect, I always recommend using the freshly painted side of an auto parts store.

Sunday Photo(s)

2008-11-23T18:28:00.003-05:00

Because Jane insisted that Christmas shopping just isn't that safe anymore, I decided to stick to safer pursuits close to home. Like trespassing onto this vacant lot at the intersection of Georgia and Irving to take photos.

I Was Just Remembering

2008-11-20T18:04:00.003-05:00

...the time Daisy Duck nearly asphyxiated Jane in Disney World. I always knew those giant-headed characters were dangerous.

Afternoon Meeting

2008-11-19T16:37:00.001-05:00

Made-up word of the day: protocolized

Times heard in afternoon meeting: no fewer than 7.

Out Of Towners

2008-11-18T20:25:00.004-05:00

The thing is, I can't rent my house out for the inauguration because I can't find anywhere else to stay. Obviously the hotels are all booked; that's the point. And everyone else apparently has the same idea I do, so I guess we'll all be sleeping on the streets while 4 million out of towners rest comfortably in our beds. For a price.

Just A Few Miles Away

2008-11-15T16:48:00.011-05:00

In line to vote I said to the guy next to me that I thought maybe there'd be news cameras or something. Not here, honey, he said. Right, I guess they're over in Virginia, or some other swing state. DC goes democratic, everybody knows that. No surprises, nothing to see.

No, I mean they're all scared to come down here, he said with a wink. I was almost miffed, since I live just a block from the polling place, until I realized he probably did, too. The real estate agents call it transitional, which is a euphemism for 'frequently mentioned on the police blotter but also getting a new Starbucks.'

Transitional or not, Barack Obama is moving in just a few miles away. This apparently makes my little condo as good as any 5-star hotel, at least for inauguration week. So until then I'll be angling to volunteer for the parade and tracking how high the bidding goes on Craigslist. Sure, money can't buy happiness, but it certainly can buy a return trip to Barbados, which is good enough for me.

How DC Got Its Groove Back

2008-11-05T05:45:00.008-05:00

Having seen a time when our votes meant less than we thought, the lines were only cautiously optimistic. Everyone gripped coffee mugs and said good morning to the white-haired ladies who gingerly exited the senior center van. There was the usual talk of how other than the winters, Canada might do, if things didn't go our way.

I never minded snow myself, but I can tell you that the view from DC looks awfully good today. And check out the neighbors!

Two Days Before

2008-11-02T17:51:00.006-05:00

Annie Rhiannon's visiting more states than than either presidential candidate, on her Great American Adventure. On the other hand, English Mum in Ireland seems increasingly happy to live vicariously through the whims of the live traffic feed over to your right, but she's already an expat so that follows. As for me, I guess I'm content to be in DC two days before the big election. As long as it goes my way.

Behind The Grill

2008-10-26T19:31:00.005-04:00

I don't care what anyone else says, Top Chef contestant Spike Mendelsohn from season 4 has the tastiest selection of casual after-work food in all of the District. Saturday night we went to his place on Capitol Hill, and when I asked him to pose for a photo with Pat and Carol he ushered them right back behind the grill and put on a charming grin. This was way more exciting than the time I met the First Lady. You should go! And take your camera.

Saturday Photo

2008-10-25T18:30:00.002-04:00

Pennsylvania Avenue and 3rd St, NE.

Two For Breakfast

2008-10-25T14:37:00.007-04:00

Because I'm a nurse, my family members tend to think I can give an informed opinion on all health matters. The truth is, my expertise follows the ten pound rule: if you weigh more than that, I probably can't help you. Of course, some things are pretty basic. So when Jane tells me her cholesterol was ever so slightly elevated this year, I immediately launch into helpful dietary hints. She cuts me off.

Oh I know what it's from, she says.

You do?

Of course I do. It's those fall snack cakes. I have two for breakfast every morning with my tea.

Fall snack cakes?

They have orange and red sprinkles.

That makes them especially good?

Yes, they taste fall-ish. They're delicious.

Unsure of where else to go with this, I just say okay and hope Little Debbie's winter snack cakes come in a low-cholesterol version.

Sunday Photo

2008-10-19T16:49:00.002-04:00

24th St NW, outside Woodley Park/Zoo Metro station.

Only If It's Your Birthday

2008-10-19T07:33:00.016-04:00

Tiny, at the mall: What's Build-A-Bear?

Tiny's mother: You remember what Build-A-Bear is. It's a store where kids can make their own stuffed animals.

Tiny: Oh. So you only get to go there if it's your birthday or if Aunt Tara's here.

Note to self: Must get to New Orleans.

Glittering And Lovely

2008-10-17T17:37:00.008-04:00

Awhile back a group of us from work were nominated for an award. Didn't think too much about it. Well wouldn't you know, we won the thing. So what could be bad about that?

The invitation to the ceremony. Black Tie Optional.
When we read it, Jessica was rightly and immediately concerned.

What are you going to do? she asks, mentally scanning the various faded polos and unisex medical scrubs that comprise 99.9% of my wardrobe.

Remember to bring your nice clothes to change into if you're going straight from here, says our doctor friend. This idea is especially hilarious to me. As if I could just duck into one of the dim little work bathrooms and emerge, glittering and lovely. Like Superman from a phone booth.

Next time I need to turn from regular Tara into glossy Tara I'm going to handle the problem the same way I deal with cleaning the house or getting the groceries: pay someone else to do it. I just hope Tim Gunn and Eliza Petrescu can come to DC on the same day.

So Much Free Time

2008-10-15T19:49:00.010-04:00

Linda asks me to set up a time for us to meet next week. I do it; no problem. So then I'm a little surprised to see her beleaguered response, sent with a copy of my Outlook appointment:

When: October 19, 2008 1:00 PM-2:30 PM (GMT-05:00) Eastern Time (US & Canada).Where: Linda's office

Do you really want to meet on Sunday?

No wonder we both had so much free time on our calendars.
Note to self: get more sleep.

Especially For English Mum

2008-10-15T05:29:00.005-04:00

The only thing better than a 3 pound person is two.
I think that's me on the right. Isn't it?

Relax, It's A Doll

2008-10-12T10:35:00.007-04:00

Fancy baby beds in the exhibit hall of a fancy hotel. Bililight sold separately.

Saturday Photo

2008-10-11T17:38:00.002-04:00

Connecticut Avenue at Calvert Street, NW

Vital Signs

2008-10-09T19:01:00.021-04:00

A thousand NICU nurses in one place is a funny thing. The reps hand out pamphlets and pacifiers; we make our way to the hotel bar. The suit and tie crowd is there, pushing through another day of standard business travel. Laptops open, unconcerned with disease processes or vital signs.

We file in and talk our kind of shop. Blood, meconium, breast milk. At the table next to us, they finish their drinks just a little bit quicker.

A Sudden Haze

2008-10-04T19:58:00.019-04:00

Jane and Baby Brother came to the city today, and our initial agenda was geared back toward Maryland for Ranger Army-Navy Surplus (him) and IKEA (her). But just as we were driving back from breakfast, a sudden haze descended on 20th Street. I considered what it might be, and (this being DC) settled on either unseasonal smog or chemical weapon attack.

I kept this thought to myself, so as not to alarm my mother, who handles emergency situations by swiftly falling apart. I know when she reads this she'll deny it and reference the time Henry choked on his pizza and she did the Heimlich maneuver, but trust me on this one.

So before I could plan our best escape route (family take note: I am requesting a Garmin GPS for Christmas this year) the whole of the DC Fire Department came barreling down the street. We turned a corner and saw a huge plume of smoke coming out of a rowhome. By now the police were blocking off the streets, so the only obvious choice was to park the car and go down there to check it out.

We ended up spending nearly an hour gawking while DC's bravest climbed ladders, bashed out windows, swaggered across rooftops and generally looked manly and appealing.

Later we did actually get some shopping done and Jane and Baby Brother headed back across the state line. As if Maryland could be so exciting.

See all my favorite firemen here, and some live action here.

Things Not To Do On A Friday Night

2008-10-03T20:24:00.004-04:00

Watch Keith Olbermann analyze Sarah Palin's unnerving tendency to wink. Is that a tic?

Fabulous Is Not My Norm

2008-09-28T10:26:00.010-04:00

Like most people, I am not overly fond of the sound of my own voice. So when I had a chance to be on the radio recently, I made Jessica go along too. That way if we sounded crazy, at least we'd sound crazy together.

We did an on-air interview, and that actually went fine, except she was talking so quietly the sound guy had to jump up and move her microphone closer, and I was so loud he had to get up again to move mine away.

We had also both done pre-recorded interviews, which were spliced up to remove all the undesirable ums and uh-huhs. Add the Goo Goo Dolls covering Give A Little Bit as background and...we sounded surprisingly fabulous. Apparently, fabulous is not my norm.

My mother, listening to the radio at her house, kept insisting she had not heard me, that I hadn't actually been on. Mother, I said, I even introduce myself in that clip! They've played it several times. Furthermore, it is my voice. The same one I've had all these years. How can you not recognize it?

Well, she said, I did hear an ad for Morton's Steakhouse just now. Not sure why that resonated so much more than her own child, but what can you do?

Clearly I'll have to become famous by some other means.

Down The Street

2008-09-22T17:52:00.004-04:00

I believe this was taken at the little Italian grocery down the street from Tory's house in New Orleans. As she said, apparently he did and apparently it worked.

Lug Your Bottled Water

2008-09-21T15:57:00.007-04:00

It is impossible to overstate the value of online grocery shopping. It means someone else has to lug your bottled water and laundry detergent into the house for you. It's $6 per delivery; I'm sure I'd pay $100 if necessary.

Just Writes Itself

2008-09-16T20:39:00.007-04:00

Courtesy of the neighbors...you just have to see this one to believe it. Then read the whole story here (the headline is brilliant).

A DC blog just writes itself some days, it really does.

Just Darling

2008-09-16T18:52:00.001-04:00

Oh goodness, would you have a look at this. Just darling. Congratulations, Patroclus and family!

14th and Irving

2008-09-14T16:32:00.003-04:00

There's a new snow cone man in Columbia Heights, and he sells them out of chinese takeout containers. Don't you think paper cones are just easier?

Soursop Hop Strawberry

2008-09-13T16:39:00.023-04:00

Because this isn't Los Angeles, there are disappointingly few opportunities to interact with celebrities in my daily life. So on Friday when I snagged a parking spot on Pennsylvania Avenue right outside Spike Mendelsohn's Good Stuff Eatery, I took it as a sign he might be in there. Reality TV always trumps famous-for-DC. Sadly, the place was Spike-less and packed to the gills with hooting Hill staffers buying up soursop hop strawberry shakes. The food was tasty but I went home without so much as an autograph.

Fortunately, the upstairs neighbor must have sensed my unfulfilled need for excitement and decided it would be a fabulous idea to put dinner in the oven then crank it up and go out for the evening. The resultant smoke and incessant alarm brought out half the neighborhood; the other half showed up along with the firetrucks. Sirens and all. If only Channel 9 had come. We might have made the nightly news, at least.

Once the firemen went back to the station, I settled in for a few hours of watching Geraldo Rivera tethered to his cameraman in 100 MPH winds. Foolishly standing on the wrong side of the sea wall, he tumbled into Galveston Bay and then emerged with "I know I'm gonna be a star on YouTube now." Geraldo, you can say that again. Some people have all the luck.

By A Landslide

2008-09-10T17:35:00.007-04:00

It's official: Marion Barry won again by a landslide in Ward 8.

No Googling

2008-09-09T20:47:00.010-04:00

Guess which Ward?

Winner gets the fabulous DC election year souvenir once promised to Annie, who never did send me her new address. Am I giving off a crazy stalker vibe or something?

No Clinical Indication

2008-09-07T15:27:00.012-04:00

While I was busy being horrified by massage and tooth whitening in public places; Pat and Carol were eagerly buying into the latest curious trend in self-referral medicine: the full body MRI.

They live in Annapolis, which boasts a charming downtown area and lively public docks. Certainly there are things to do that surpass sitting around in a church basement with a bunch of octogenarians, waiting your turn to be irradiated head-to-toe for no clinical indication whatsoever.

"Why did you guys get that done, anyway?"

"The Cunninghams told us to," said Pat, definitively. Carol nodded her agreement.

Huh?

In an (apparently successful) attempt to capitalize on the nostalgic tendencies and growing disposable income of those who were young adults in the 70's, the MRI hawkers had featured the Happy Days cast on their propaganda.

Do you suppose years from now I'll be purchasing needless medical procedures out of pocket on the advice of some aged sitcom star? Advertising agencies take note: if it's Luke Perry from 90210, I can see myself being persuaded.

Sunday Photo

2008-09-07T10:03:00.004-04:00

Last of the season. I'll miss the tomatoes, but not the weather. Fall's much better here. Anybody got a good recipe (EM, you must)?

Potentially Apocalyptic

2008-09-05T18:27:00.025-04:00

Remember how excited I was when the new Target opened? The city celebrated in the usual way, with random acts of violence. Today, apparently, that tradition continues.

And speaking of traditions, so much for all of us irrationally mobbing the store to stock up on essentials like water, candles, and Isaac Mizrahi before hurricane ~~Gustav~~ Hanna hits. The police have cleared everyone out, all the way to 16th Street.

Don't they know that even the vaguest hint of inclement weather around here must be treated as potentially apocalyptic? Nevermind the bomb threat. Not letting us into the Target before a storm is practically un-American.

Not A Good Neighborhood

2008-09-04T17:46:00.002-04:00

Has it really come to this?

Back To New Orleans

2008-09-03T17:44:00.007-04:00

The dog may not actually even want to go back to New Orleans, at this rate.

The cat appears to feel similarly.

Chock Full

2008-09-01T15:16:00.004-04:00

Now that they say the floodwalls held out (though I have my doubts); it seems safe to break away from CNN long enough to enjoy a Labor Day cookout. 14th Street was just chock full of excellent photo ops this weekend, it really was.

Only In Tuscaloosa

2008-09-01T06:54:00.027-04:00

Plan A had them staying in St. Tammany Parish. Tiny's best friend Lucy, the dog, was nervous and broke out of the barn that night, but no one knew. The cell phone rang at midnight after the guy behind the guy who hit the dog but kept on driving went down into the steep ditch to check on her. Her sweet Collie face was a little banged up but the emergency vet said she'd be okay. Tiny was none the wiser and would stay that way, they decided. She had already asked once to go home.

But St. Tammany Parish had to evacuate, too. It would be a surprise trip to Chattanooga, Tennessee, then. They'd take Tiny to Rock City and Ruby Falls. A hotel was arranged. Ten hours later the refugees were only in Tuscaloosa and traffic was still crawling on an interstate that had Louisiana license plates jamming it end to end. Continuing on seemed less than desirable. Tory had stayed up most of the night checking on Lucy. Tiny was wondering just what kind of crazy vacation this was, anyway.

It soon became obvious there was more than one weary group calling around central Alabama asking about things like 'party of three with a dog and a cat.' Tory and Mary resigned themselves to a long night in the car because what other choice did they have, really? The rest of the family sat useless; hundreds of miles away in states where the weather was fine and the cities were still fully populated. We could work the phones, though, and presently it was ours: the single remaining hotel room in all of Birmingham, now just 20 miles away. Yes, said the reservationist, an exception for pets can be made in this case.

As the valet parking service took the car, the concierge appeared with a golden cart to carry their luggage through the antique-filled lobby. Tory watched the bellhop load a box of cat litter onto it and thought immediately of The Beverly Hillbillies. Back upstairs, Tiny took to jumping up and down and clapping her hands excitedly. "Guys come look!" she shrieked. With her dog and her cat relaxing together on a fancy hotel bed, this was turning out to be some kind of fun, after all.

*** special thanks to the nice guy who stopped and rescued Lucy, to Jessica's cousin in Alabama who somehow knew The Tutwiler might have a room, and to hotel management for letting the animals stay.

14th Street, NW

2008-08-31T19:39:00.007-04:00

In case you ever wondered where your DC phone book comes from. Three guys in a van, apparently.

After Blinking Twice

2008-08-31T00:25:00.010-04:00

The MSNBC cameraguy turned toward FEMA director David Paulison, who was strangely already wearing a rain slicker some 44 hours before Gustav was scheduled to make landfall."What advice do you have for the people who are going to be sticking the storm out here in New Orleans?"

After blinking twice, Paulison cocked his head at the asinine question. He responded slowly and clearly, so no one could misquote him later. "My advice is that everyone needs to get out of New Orleans. Everyone."

Back at the house, Tory and Mary loaded up the car. Suitcases, cell phones, toddler, dog and cat. They joined the slow moving parade of cars north; David Paulison didn't have to tell them twice.

Worth Staying Up

2008-08-26T18:30:00.004-04:00

It was worth staying up to hear Ted pronounce November and endeavor (go to 06:03 on the timer) like the Kennedy he is.

Spoke Too Soon

2008-08-25T19:26:00.002-04:00

As it turns out there is a little China left in Chinatown, after all.
Very little.

The Cold Hard Truth

2008-08-24T16:09:00.022-04:00

One time, I put Charlotte's Web in the DVD player, thinking Tiny would love it, because she adores all animals. I completely forgot that the beginning of the story features a squalling little Wilbur trying to escape death by farmer. "What are they going to do to him?" she had asked, wide eyed with concern.

"Nothing," I lied, "Let's go make a Play-Doh cake!"

At Jane and Henry's, some scenes in the movie Babe caught them off guard, too. When the butcher showed up, Henry swiftly turned off the set, said "Uh oh, something happened to the TV" and suggested a trip to the swingset.

So yesterday, Jane calls to tell me about this new book Jimmy Buffet wrote. "It's for kids-- something about a family who moves from the country to the city and they bring their pet pig with them." Jane wants to send it to Tiny. "But," she says, with caution in her voice, "I need to check it out first. Make sure the pig doesn't get hurt or sad or anything."

"Right," I say, "good idea." We decide to let Tory tell Tiny the cold hard truth about bacon. After all, she's a vegetarian. It'll seem less cruel.

Penn Quarter

2008-08-23T18:29:00.002-04:00

There isn't much China left in Chinatown these days, but the arch still makes for a good photo.

Bound To Be An Instant Hit

2008-08-20T17:16:00.002-04:00

With a zillion nearby condo dwellers all sharing one or two communal rooftop decks, newly-opened CommonWealth is bound to be an instant hit, if only for its abundance of outdoor seating in Columbia Heights. What remains to be seen is if people will take equally to its peculiar mix of 'British-inspired and American-bred' cuisine. House-Smoked Tofu Shepherd's Pie...seriously?

Secret Security Question

2008-08-19T09:00:00.038-04:00

Recently I had to place a stop payment on a check sent from my online bill pay. Seemed simple enough. Approximately six thousand minutes of Vivaldi-on-hold later, I was asked by Ravinder in customer service to verify the following:

name
account number
exact amount of a recent payment sent
address
secret security question

The last one was the sticking point. I couldn't remember my secret security question. Don't they normally just want the answer? An odd version of that game where you come up with your drag name followed. Mother's maiden name? Favorite pet? City you were born in? Eventually I was able to convince him I was who I said I was.

Cut to a week later, I'm at my mother's on the Eastern Shore. She is almost certainly the last person on earth without an ATM or debit card. She constantly embarrasses us by paying the old-fashioned way, with checks, and then becoming instantly indignant when the confused teenage cashier has to ask for help processing the thing.

Because she doesn't have an ATM card, she cannot, obviously, use an ATM machine to check her balance. Here's how she does it, instead. She calls the local bank.

Hey Patty! It's Jane. What's my balance? (pause) Thanks!

I stare at her in disbelief. Who was that?

Patty..at..the..bank, she says slowly, with a face that has obviously written all over it.

I'm stunned. She just gave you your balance? Just like that? Jane's still looking at me like my you're awfully dim today.

Well why wouldn' t she? I've known Patty for years.

Jane also once told me her Vanity Fair most likely hadn't come yet because 'Sheila down at the post office is probably reading it.' Apparently she and Sheila went to high school together. She may have a point. I've never even met Ravinder, though he does know a lot about me.

A Seaside Cottage

2008-08-18T19:11:00.006-04:00

You may remember that I recently spent untold sums on faux Marriott bedding. I've since tired of it and added some color back, because the whitewashed look really works much better in, say, a seaside cottage on Natucket than a basement condo in Washington. If only I could get the house to match the bed and not the other way around.

Enough Unpaid Tickets

2008-08-17T11:30:00.002-04:00

Is there anything more irritating than not getting a parking spot on your street because someone else has racked up enough unpaid tickets to earn the boot? This one has Maryland tags, no less.

For Accent Only

2008-08-16T18:23:00.005-04:00

Last week we chose the color palette for a construction project at work. I was mildly opposed to the sherbet green that made the cut but our interior designer seems wholly trustworthy and assures me it's for accent only. Today I parked just off 17th Street to go to the Farmer's Market in Mount Pleasant and encountered this rowhouse. Sherbet green may just be the new black.

Mike's Goodnight

2008-08-13T20:40:00.004-04:00

We both prefer the chair. He normally wins.

Little Monster Babies

2008-08-12T19:10:00.033-04:00

Ellery quit his job weeks ago and remains shockingly unconcerned with finding another one. His new schedule of mostly napping and golf gives him extra time to drive down from Baltimore. On Sunday we leaf through the new Washingtonian Cheap Eats issue and eventually agree on the Lotus Cafe. Salty lemonade and summer rolls and pho.

I ask if he's going to get up at 5 a.m. with me, in a voice that says you-sure-as-well-should. Solidarity and all. Wisely, no response. Talk turns to John Edwards and the affair. He asks if I know that the National Enquirer broke the story. Yeah, so? I heard it on the news today. At work. Some of us still get up and go to work, you know.

"So it turned out to be true," he says. "Which means all their other stories might be true. Like those women who give birth to monster babies."

Monster babies. How did we get here? Now, I decide, is most definitely not the time to bring up the subject of making a little Ellery. But I do silently resolve to set the alarm for 4:45. I mean, doesn't he have to call a recruiter or something?

Mind The Gap

2008-08-11T18:41:00.004-04:00

Come to think of it, a ferry might not be a bad idea.

Only A Matter of Time

2008-08-10T12:31:00.003-04:00

I have an inexplicable tendency to be thoroughly entertained by infomercials. Consequently, I have owned the Magic Bullet and two sets of Magic Shelves. I held off on the Food Dehydrator and Mighty Putty, but it may only be a matter of time. Lately, early morning television seems riddled with ads for Debbie Meyer Green Bags and GreenBoxes. I don't really like the ads but it is Freshfarm Market season. Do you think they work?

File Under: Wish I'd Seen It First

2008-08-08T17:43:00.006-04:00

Bet you can't get this in your town. Clearly the happiest street vendor, ever has some local competition.

Just One Question

2008-08-05T18:04:00.012-04:00

On the way to the dog beach in Annapolis, Tiny had just one question, borne of her early years in Barbados and subsequent disappointing visit to bodies of water elsewhere.

Is the water blue or brown?

By comparison, I suppose the latter-- but Tiny loves dogs, all dogs-- so suboptimal color variations were forgiven when this guy hopped on his own little surfboard and headed out into South River.

Now that was class. Looks like we weren't the only ones enjoying a day at the beach, though there were more juice boxes than Guinness on our end...

No Adults Allowed

2008-08-02T19:44:00.007-04:00

When Tiny got here, I wanted to take her to the Carnival straightaway. She didn't disagree. Naturally the whole family came along and we got her an armband to allow unlimited fun. This proved to be somewhat unnecessary since Tiny only agreed to go on a few rides, much preferring to be a cotton-candy laden spectator. The spinning buckets, though, piqued her interest.

Tory, Henry and Tiny headed through the gate while the rest of us readied our cameras and elbowed one another out of the way. The ticket guy ambled by and then there was some exchange we couldn't hear which resulted in Henry getting off the ride. I thrust some tickets his way, thinking maybe he hadn't taken enough. "It isn't that. He said no adults allowed on."

Tory, now in her 30's but apparently still passing for either older sister or adolescent mother, grinned and waved.

And I Missed Him

2008-07-24T18:56:00.003-04:00

Oh man, Richard Simmons was here and I missed him? Tory and I were absolute devotees in the early 80's; most likely because his show was on a channel that got decent reception if you tweaked the rabbit ears just so. That, or because he's basically a real life cartoon. For whatever reason, we were enthralled for many 30 minute segments of our childhood.

Brace Yourselves

2008-07-22T16:48:00.033-04:00

The past few visits from Tiny and family have been enlivened by the bouncy house that belongs to my friend Robin. It comes in a giant duffel that resembles nothing so much as a body bag, weighs about a million pounds and involves a truly arduous transfer from her vehicle to mine in the parking garage at work. But Tiny loves it. Well, Tiny's coming to see us again, and for some reason I thought I remembered Robin saying that the thing got punctured.

Since we set it up in her yard my mother always gets the credit for the bouncy house, and I have to say, she just about broke out the Xanax at the mere suggestion that it might not be available this time. Happily, I remembered wrong and the (intact) house will be joining a chocolate fountain, deluxe swing set, inflatable palm tree pool with sprinker and possibly a cotton candy/snowcone maker combo for the upcoming get together.

To my siblings and cousins reading this, imagining your children all sugared up and running wild through Crazy Playland At Grandma's: brace yourselves because I'm not making a bit of it up.

And as for the rest of us, I thought this might be fun.

A Bunch Of Breeders

2008-07-21T18:16:00.007-04:00

My dad calls me the other day, and the conversation goes something like this:

Me: Hello?

Dad: Hey buddy (my dad calls everyone buddy. Me, Tory, Tiny, my step-mother, everybody). Guess what?

Me: What?

Dad: We got two cats.

Me: Cute. How come you got two?

Dad: Well, we talked to a bunch of breeders and they all said we'd be fine with just one, that they don't get lonely like dogs do. They all said we don't need more than one cat. We thought one might get lonely but all of the experts said one would be fine. Everyone said get one, really. One would have been fine.

Me (confused): Oh. (long pause) So you got two anyway?

Dad (grinning through phone line. self-satisfied): Yup.

Before we hang up one of the new cats climbs up onto him. Hey buddy, he says.

Share the Love

2008-07-21T17:49:00.005-04:00

English Mum In Ireland gave me an award (thanks, EM!). It's a virtual award, but flattering nonetheless. It's called Arte y pico and originated here. According to the rules now I'm supposed to share the love and tell you all about 5 blogs I like, and I'm pretty much a rule follower so here you go:

Rosie. Blogs effortlessly back and forth between Irish and English.
Prince of Petworth. Keeps up a near-daily stream of commentary and photos.
DC Confidential. Brave enough to wander round the District at night with a camera.
Christopher. Singularly focused. Don't worry, most of it's over my head too.
Vin Diesel's Biggest Fan. One tiny step away from crazy stalker. I'm right behind you.

Take Out The Trash

2008-07-17T18:20:00.005-04:00

I finished my work emails, went to the doctor, did the grocery shopping, changed the condo insurance policy, washed the sheets and cleaned the oven. Mike could at least learn to take out the trash.

They Might Nip You

2008-07-16T15:31:00.087-04:00

Last time I went to Barbados I took Jess (Jess from work not Jess from college) with me. My sister and M had lived there long enough to have their visitors-from-the-states routine running like a well oiled machine. If you stayed a week it always included a catamaran cruise with a few stops for snorkeling. I was naturally skeptical of the claim that the shared snorkel masks had been sterilized, but not enough to stop me from going in. After all, they told us there were giant sea turtles out there. Giant sea turtles sounded cute.

So at the designated area we were supposed to drop from the ladder into the water while the guide doled out the turtle food. He cautioned us not to wave our fingers in the water. That's how I feed them. They might nip you. Tiny heard that and promptly declared sea turtles scary. She selected a refreshing juice box and hunkered down on the deck, unmoving.

The rest of us bobbed around near the boat, ducking our heads under periodically. I figured it was like a whale watch: if you saw some you were lucky, and if you didn't, well, at least you had free mimosas. But then out of nowhere a gang of turtles came swimming straight for us. Excited murmuring ensued. I saw Jessica treading water about 50 feet from me, sidled right up next to one of the biggest ones.

That's cool, I said to myself, she's so close to them. She looked really natural swimming with sea turtles. I ducked my head in the water for just a second and when I came up she was moving toward me, fast, giant turtle in tow. Wow-- she's also a really good swimmer, I thought admiringly. One more head duck later something brushed hard against my leg. It was Jess, yelling. Move! Get out of the way! She was clearly irritated at my sluggishness but I couldn't figure why. Then it hit me: the sea turtle is chasing Jessica.

The only thought I had at that moment was do turtles have teeth?
We ended up dogpaddling forward as a kind of clumsy conjoined unit until we bumped into the ladder and got back on the boat, bruised and breathless. Tiny was still relaxing there, sunning herself with a Bajan cherry juicebox in hand. She looked at us smugly as the giant sea turtle swam off.

Extremely Scrawny Arms

2008-07-13T16:01:00.015-04:00

In the 80's, Tory and I had seriously grand plans for our Snoopy Sno-Cone machine. Certainly we could make millions selling lilliputian cups of shaved ice doused with high fructose corn syrup and yellow #5. Stalling our enterpreneurial dreams, however, was the problem of the ice itself.

Back then it only came in big hard cubes out of the freezer trays, which you were supposed to drop down the plastic chute of Snoopy's house. If the TV commercials were to be believed, a few simple hand-cranks would then result in perfect frosty mounds. In reality, we suffered from a most unfortunate combination of extremely scrawny arms and the dullish safety blade of what was, after all, designed as a child's plaything.

Even with two of us it was an impossible task. "I think it's working!" one would yell, as the other optimistically readied the tiny shovel intended to scoop out the shavings. On a good day, after an hour of earnest arm torque, you might end up with a teaspoon or so; your hard-earned results melting fast in a Dixie cup. Less like seasonal fun and more like child labor.

Luckily my grandmother could be reliably counted on to arrive and take us to 7-Eleven for Slurpees, where the only real exertion was choosing between Coke and Cherry.

Better Than The Smithsonian

2008-07-12T16:34:00.004-04:00

Independence Avenue and 4th St NW: happiest street food vendor, ever.

That Other Guy

2008-07-12T16:10:00.007-04:00

Today for some reason dead presidents were hanging out on U Street. Abe Lincoln loitered around Ben's while that other guy went in to order breakfast. Since I never took U.S. History can someone please tell me who he is?

Desperate To See A Javelina

2008-07-11T17:02:00.016-04:00

Took this picture at a resort in Tucson last year. I was desperate to see a Javelina and didn't so much as catch a glimpse. On the other hand, was not at all interested in rattlesnakes and encountered two in a single day. If you're going on holiday may I recommend the beach instead?

One Of Those

2008-07-10T18:20:00.004-04:00

This isn't one of those fawning food blogs, but you know, it's farm market season and the nectarines looked so perfect.

Better Things

2008-07-09T18:19:00.008-04:00

This month Outside Magazine ranks the top 20 towns to live in and would you believe-- DC tops the list. Bloggers over here took issue with the accuracy of the word town, but I figure we must have better things to argue about. I'm just glad we beat Chattanooga.

More entertaining than the article itself is one DCist commenter who asked does the 1/2 block stumble from Chadwick's to Loehman's in Friendship Heights qualify as being Outside? That's about as outdoorsy as I get this time of year. Agree entirely.

What? I'm supposed to be joining a bike share or something?

Mother, Do Not Read This Post

2008-07-07T18:29:00.012-04:00

So I didn't go to the big fireworks melee down at the Mall (this mall, not that one) on Friday night, but Mike and I did spend some quality time cowering on the couch trying to discern Cherry Bombs from gunshots in the neighborhood. Seems we weren't the only ones.

Tough To Turn Down

2008-07-06T19:36:00.005-04:00

Free samples, farmer's market style. Much as I hate the idea of all those hands sharing a communal plate, it's tough to turn down the strawberries.

Talking Into Their Sleeves

2008-07-04T14:57:00.028-04:00

Someone famous must have been brunching at Clyde's on 7th Street today, as evidenced by:

secret service types talking into their sleeves all up and down the block (click on the image, for exhibit A)
dark vehicles idling in 'no standing' zones where regular citizens would surely be towed or ticketed
~~sniper strategically placed on nearby rooftop~~
So I made that one up. But you never know, in this town.

I waited as long as I could stand the heat then gave up, figuring it was probably just McCain or someone similarly disappointing. If you hear it was Brangelina, keep it to yourself.

Block Party

2008-07-04T14:19:00.006-04:00

Independence Day. Newton Street between 13th and 14th, NW. More images here.

Tobacco, That Is

2008-07-01T20:15:00.004-04:00

A new ban on smoking in bars and restaurants takes effect today in the Netherlands. Tobacco, that is-- because smoking pot in the country's famous coffee shops is still legal.

In other news, eating a french fry on public transit in the capital of the free world will still land you in jail.

How I Spent My Summer Vacation

2008-06-28T18:22:00.018-04:00

That's Mayor Adrian Fenty throwing beads in slide 3.
Can you believe Ellery went golfing instead?

More photos here. And a loud little video clip here.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Somewhat Awkward Argument

2008-06-27T18:40:00.014-04:00

Although it's still illegal to drink your morning coffee on the Metro, it just got a whole lot easier to get your hands on a semi-automatic in the city with one of the highest murder rates in the world. The District's 1976 ban on handguns was overturned today by the Supreme Court, whose majority was not swayed by the somewhat awkward argument that since DC isn't a state it is not bound by Constitutional laws. Perhaps the police department will be so busy processing new gun registrations they'll forget to turn on a few of those damn red-light cameras.